“The sky’s awake, so I’m awake, so we have to play!” -Anna from the movie Frozen. Sometimes I think people with narcolepsy have their brains constantly saying this, that’s why we drive/drag ourselves around, sometimes without even knowing what we’re doing because our bodies live in a “perpetual” state of exhaustion, but our minds are yet so strong and the will to function on some level as a human. It’s as if the will to keep moving is instilled in us, doing something, even to the very point were the person’s life could be at risk, but at simple we move, function, on some level.
The life of a narcoleptic isn’t one to wish on other’s who can sleep, or those of who’s sleep is less worse than our own. Life with narcolepsy has given me a whole new perspective on how to view people, their attitudes,(sometimes), and yet even if someone came up with a “cure” for it, would it really work? Would anyone really ever discover the the truth that lies behind a life with narcolepsy? Doctors ask how you feel when you see them, almost expecting a change somehow, or maybe the complete opposite, yet in all honesty, how do you truly, but simply explain the feelings of it? How could you even give them a glimpse of understanding on the subject at hand? The life of most of them have lived they’ve spent in college is longer than desired(even for most people with degrees as well), yet my “degree” in health hasn’t gotten me anywhere some would say, I haven’t been able to to live life abundantly, that life’s gifts have been kept from me, yet simply and in the wonder of it all, I have been given everything I need, maybe even more.
We were not created to fall away from God’s laws, to live our lives free to do whatever we want. Human beings were made to worship Him, God alone. I can truly say that narcolepsy isn’t something that I “enjoy” or is “comfortable” to live with day-in and day-out, but it’s something I can say God is using. He’s helping me to help other’s. Those of whose lives may be difficult and tough; He’s helping me to have hope and to show the hope He can give to those who are suffering, the young and the old.
I believe that everything happens for a reason, that we’re not just made to be tossed back and forth by the wind, or left in the hands of some fate, but that we were truly made for God’s good intended purposes that He set in advance for us. Even despite when sometimes it feels like life sends a storm that’s unexpected into our lives and we are forced to face our deepest pain. It’s then, when I feel the heartache begin to pull me in and take me under, I dig my heels in deep and I fight to stand. It’s not always easy to see, or even admit in the moment, however, if I take a step back, get a new perspective on my situation, in all truth, and the reality of it; God brought that so called, “storm” into my life for a reason. And yes, still at times the hurt inside I feel grows stronger before it may start to level off and lessen. Yet regardless, it’s then, in my “worst of days”, the ones when nothing good is happening, as I try for the 12th time to keep myself awake in one of my college classes, or lying in bed those nights when my brain won’t shut off and just sleep like “a normal person”. It’s then, that God reminds me that He is in control of my life, the ups and the downs, He’s there through it all.
So even now, just 2 days shy of being 21 years old, and have lived with narcolepsy for more than 5 years, I’ve grown so much in my understanding of how God works out life’s in differences for our good and His glory, but better yet, still have no where near the amount of knowledge to truly fathom the wonderful works He’s done for me.
Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassion failts not. They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!”-Lamentations 3:22-2